after months of procrastinating and hours of straining my brain to shit out a cohesive sentense, I finally managed to complete my CV... I'll send it over soon, I really hope it's okay and that I'll get the job ;w;

besides that I haven't been doing the greatest. I'm really weak and unmotivated, easly overstimulated and overwhelmed, I'm pinned to the bed and the desk chair interchangeably. maybe it's simply because of the weather rollercoaster and my chronic anxiety... at least I've been drawing more lately and I'm really happy about that, even if it's not my best work I'm happy doodling freely :)

It's been hard to get myself to work lately, I'm very overwhelmed... scared to touch my physical journal too, not quite sure why :( maybe I'm just scared of leaving a mark in the real world, even simply through a pen on paper. I want to break out of this misery cycle today, I'll get myself dressed in a moment and go for quick grocery shopping! I plan on making curry for dinner, hopefully this time it won't be as salty...

maybe later I'll finally bring myself to touch my CV, I've been procrastinating on it for so long now... mainly because I still haven't gotten the chance to legally change my name, and It's really hard to tr and describe myself when I still have my deadname attached to me, something I hate and feel uncomfortable with. I need to push through, though. things will go so much smoother when I'll be able to work TwT It's hard and I doubt it'll get much easier past this point, but for the first time in so many years I have something to fight for, something I want to fight for.

ahh that was quite an entry, thank you from the bottom of my heart if you went through all of this rambling :,)

hi and welcome!! this is the very first entry to my digital journal, and I'm quite excited to finally, after months of procrastination, claim my very own space on the internet :)

everything is still a huge work-in-progress, all of the links in the navigation tab will take you to dead end. I'll probably be changing the code of this site quite often, as I am increadibly indecisive... I guess that's all I wanted to say in this entry, thank you for your time :)